My Last Post of 2012

I wrote this to a friend outside of our Colby bubble, and I think it applies to how I will remember 2012:

“For me, … navigating graduate school, trying to [manage dramatic friend stuff and not let it impact me], and [the] comprehensive exam [experience] made this such a strange year. I'm in a place where I like Oregon but am looking forward to leaving, maybe wanting to have something with some vague conception of a person that is theoretically out there but not having enough extra mental energy to give a crap, longing for the past (like having my tight-knit group of Colby friends) but acknowledging that it isn't possible currently or (likely) the near future, hoping for something that eventually resembles a 40 hour work week with disposable income while working through papers and reports... Basically, lots of dichotomies where I happen to fall into the chasm between both ends of possibility. It's a strange place to be, and I guess that's how I will remember 2012--in the right place for future me (especially training-wise), but maybe not quite the right fit for current me.”

It’s been weird. It’s been stressful. It’s had it’s ups (the Giants! Tahoe! Passing Comps! No end of the world!). It’s had it’s downs. Mostly, I don’t think I am living like my “ideal self” would want to be living.

If 2012 were to be boiled down to a single event for me, I think it would be Tahoe. I will certainly remember struggling through a Thursday night/Friday morning in July, vomiting while trying not to wake up Isaac in the sleeping bag next to me, waking Allie and Jess up at 6 am to see go see a doctor and see if anything else was wrong with me, vomiting on the way there and way back, and basically being useless for the remainder of the planned weekend. I loved being with everyone who was able to make it (and can laugh about how unfortunate the timing was of getting the stomach flu), but it was also prevented me from fully immersing myself in the experience and catching up with everyone who made it to the cabin. A weird experience when I wanted everything to be perfect.

But, I do believe in a human nature to try to make things better, and I want 2013 to try to reflect that. I want a year where I am better to myself. In the interest of defining that more specifically:

1)    I want to be more engaged in physical activities (e.g., frisbee, climbing) and do the physical therapy exercises to make my lower back better.

2)    I want to do more cooking for myself.

3)    I want to procrastinate less (taking less time to start activities, distract myself less with websites and the interwebz).

4)    I want to reach out to people more when I am upset or frustrated.

5)    I want to give more hugs to people in Eugene.

I know actually trying to accomplish resolutions tend to die off by February, but I also think these are reasonable enough to try to incorporate into my day-to-day. I would like to feel more settled and more of my actual self while I’m in Eugene, and these seem to be logical places to start.

Southernplayalistic

What, a 40 minute interval in my day where I don’t have something planned?! Write for pleasure? Yes, please.

I’ll try to do something that I haven’t done before, and that is writing about music on here. I spend more time looking backwards for good music then I do trying to identify the next big thing. There haven’t been many experiences where I actively look for new music, as I mostly rely on other people to recommend music for me. Thus, my iTunes catalog isn’t updated and I still have music on my iPod from 2005-2006. (I also don’t download music, either, so that doesn’t help with the updating the music catalog thing).

But I lived with a roommate last year, Jake, and music was one of his greatest pleasures. The kid scoured websites, reading critics, learning about set lists, and typically listening to some of the most eclectic shit I have ever heard. Which was awesome. I actually think I’m a better person for it: I listened to much more music as a result, and one of the passions that he left me with was a greater appreciation for hip hop and rap (he’s on internship in MD, so sadly his impact on me has diminished a bit). As a result, I spent most of the summer exploring two artists that I had always liked but had never fully listened to: Kanye West and OutKast.

I think it’s impossible to be our age and not have some sort of appreciation for these two artists (even if you think ‘Ye is an asshole*). High school and camp dances were not complete unless a rendition of “Hey Ya” or “The Way You Move” was played, and I definitely heard a fair bit of “Stronger” and “Flashing Lights” at Colby. But my appreciation for either of the two didn’t grow until I groovesharked their albums and read further in depth about the two*.

There are certainly big distinctions in the stylings of ‘Ye and ‘Kast, but both are rightly praised for lyrics that are embedded with double meanings, entendre, humor, and thoughtfulness, while the songs push creative limits with their beats and samples. Most of my associations for hip hop or rap, previously, were generally limited women, guns, drugs, and general thuggery. But I find myself compelled to listen to albums like ATLiens or The College Dropout to pick up nuances and themes on my second go-round that I do not hear in hip-hop songs that reach the mainstream radio.

While Kanye is still relevant and putting out damn good music (e.g., “To the World,” a huge and hilarious middle-finger collaboration with R. Kelly), OutKast, as a collective, has been out of the scene for a long time. OutKast, of course, is/was composed of Big Boi and Andre 3000. And while they were at the height of their popularity, most critics were actually heartbroken. To many, the double album was a reflection of how the two were growing apart. Speakerboxxx/The Love Below brought the group lots of popularity, but the album featured very little collaboration during the actual songs (“Roses” is one of the few where they both work together and happens to be my favorite from the bunch… It also inspired my Halloween costume, but I can explain that at another team). They put out one more album, Idlewild, which was conceptualized as a soundtrack for the feature film they put together, in 2006, and there has not been a whole lot else from them, unless they have been collaborating on songs for other groups (UGK’s “International Players Anthem”) or for solo output that one or the other has put out (Big Boi’s “Royal Flush”). As a result, a lot of OutKast fanatics are disappointed, as the two were certainly the best rapping duo, ever, and they want more music from them. But it does not look likely that they will be doing things together as OutKast in the near future:

http://www.grantland.com/blog/hollywood-prospectus/post/_/id/61859/how-a-razor-is-keeping-andre-3000-and-big-boi-apart

The article is a bit of an exaggeration, as Big Boi clarified that there wasn’t an issue between the both of them and that he always welcomes working with Dre. Yet I think their dynamic becomes even more compelling after hearing a song like this:

http://pitchfork.com/reviews/tracks/14613-sorry-ft-andre-3000/

To give some context, Big Boi is expecting to drop his second solo album (his first one, Sir Lucious Left Foot, was bomb), while 3000 has been concentrating on other things (acting, collaborating, producing) and has never dropped a solo album of his own. This is disappointing, for many reasons, for OutKast fans. As I stated before, as a combo, rap has never seen anything like these two together. But based on individual merits, some people would consider Andre a tad superior and up there with some of the best MCs ever.

So Andre decides to use the song as an opportunity to apologize to his other rapping-half.  3000’s verses are pretty fucking spectacular in this song. Not only does he acknowledge that he’s been holding back (or rather, has run away from the spotlight), but he is also reflective about his past relationship with Erykah Badu, the mother of his son. Or, you could take it as an extended metaphor about his previous relationship with rapping. Your choice, but brilliant either way.

Another thought that I take from the song reminded me of a Ted podcast I listened to that explored the concept of genius. Elizabeth Gilbert (of Eat, Pray, Love, which I haven’t read…) talks about genius how the Greeks and Romans conceptualized it. We conceptualize genius as coming and going, and once having achieved or produced something genius that we have to live up to that moniker (in other words, something that is attained and maintained). Genius, in the Greek or Roman mindset, was a mischievous entity that would hang out or ditch artists at work. It was up to the artist to keep plowing through, and “genius” would come hang out as long as you were putting your effort/your half of it into it.

Could it be that Big Boi is working through and finding his genius (and consequently, producing awesome new music)? Is Andre having a more difficult time of living up to the lofty expectations of him and choosing to explore something else?

Whatever the answer may be, my music listening life has been improved by listening to OutKast. Count me among those people that now long for more OutKast. In the meantime, I’ll happily consume whatever each individual produces, because these two are still incredible.

*I’m thinking about our trip down to Tahoe, Allie.

**Also, much thanks to Jess and Isaac for Grooveshark and jamming out in the apartment Senior year to your playlists. It’s an awesome website. 

TED talks

I love these. This is neat:

http://www.ted.com/talks/kamal_meattle_on_how_to_grow_your_own_fresh_air.html

Transcript (in case you don't want to or can't watch it):

Some 17 years ago, I became allergic to Delhi's air. My doctors told me that my lung capacity had gone down to 70 percent, and it was killing me. With the help of IIT, TERI, and learnings from NASA, we discovered that there are three basic green plants, common green plants, with which we can grow all the fresh air we need indoors to keep us healthy. We've also found that you can reduce the fresh air requirements into the building, while maintainingindustry indoor air-quality standards.

The three plants are Areca palm, Mother-in-Law's Tongue and money plant. The botanical names are in front of you. Areca palm is a plant which removes CO2 and converts it into oxygen. We need four shoulder-high plants per person, and in terms of plant care, we need to wipe the leaves every day in Delhi, and perhaps once a week in cleaner-air cities. We had to grow them in vermi manure, which is sterile, or hydroponics, and take them outdoors every three to four months. The second plant is Mother-in-law's Tongue, which is again a very common plant, and we call it a bedroom plant, because it converts CO2 into oxygen at night. And we need six to eight waist-high plants per person. The third plant is money plant,and this is again a very common plant; preferably grows in hydroponics. And this particular plant removes formaldehydes and other volatile chemicals.

With these three plants, you can grow all the fresh air you need. In fact, you could be in a bottle with a cap on top, and you would not die at all, and you would not need any fresh air. We have tried these plants at our own building in Delhi, which is a 50,000-square-feet, 20-year-old building. And it has close to 1,200 such plants for 300 occupants. Our studies have found that there is a 42 percent probability of one's blood oxygen going up by one percent if one stays indoors in this building for 10 hours. The government of India has discovered or published a study to show that this is the healthiest building in New Delhi. And the study showed that, compared to other buildings, there is a reduced incidence of eye irritation by 52 percent, respiratory systems by 34 percent, headaches by 24 percent, lung impairment by 12 percent and asthma by nine percent. And this study has been published on September 8, 2008, and it's available on the government of India website.

Our experience points to an amazing increase in human productivity by over 20 percent by using these plants. And also a reduction in energy requirements in buildings by an outstanding 15 percent, because you need less fresh air. We are now replicating this in a1.75-million-square-feet building, which will have 60,000 indoor plants.

Why is this important? It is also important for the environment, because the world's energy requirements are expected to grow by 30 percent in the next decade. 40 percent of the world's energy is taken up by buildings currently, and 60 percent of the world's populationwill be living in buildings in cities with a population of over one million in the next 15 years.And there is a growing preference for living and working in air-conditioned places. "Be the change you want to see in the world," said Mahatma Gandhi. And thank you for listening.(Applause)

Not sure how the country will react on Nov. 6th...

But I hope it's better than how this author views it:

http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2012/11/the-separate-realities-of-a-50-50-race/264427/

I agree with the point that I typically do not read "news" from conservative outlets and am likely guilty of adding to the echo-chamber syndrome he discusses. I'd like to think, though, that people will not willfully disregard a new term of a presidency or dispute the entire merit of it.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/11/03/chris-christie-praise-obama-romney_n_2068836.html

It was refreshing to hear an outspoken Republican governor talk positively about something (really, anything) that the President is doing. All I've heard the last 3.666667 years is how Obama is the worst president ever.

Has our citizenship lost the ability to have constructive conversations? Does this feel like a race to the bottom for anyone else?  Will this election continue to paralyze our ability, as a nation, to handle important shit?

Funny how things can change for the worse in four years.

Tremendous

Ann Coulter shouldn't be allowed to be paid for the horrible shit she spews.

Here's a tremendous response to her crap that should be read:

http://specialolympicsblog.wordpress.com/2012/10/23/an-open-letter-to-ann-coulter/

Cruising at 120

One of my favorite professors in the School Psychology program made two comparisons in my first year: first, that being a professor is like being a full-time graduate student (which made me shudder at the time, and still…), and second, that the transition to graduate school in your first year is like going from 0 – 60 mph, especially for those that have taken time off.

After the completion of my first year, and in the midst of my relatively horrendous Fall term of my second year, I went back to him and brought up that comparison. Naturally, he made the comparison that if the first year of grad school is 60 mph, then going from first to second year is like going from 60 to 100 mph. Fortunately, he had the foresight to not tell me this during my first year. But it was a welcome acknowledgement of how things were going at the time (e.g., fucking ridiculous). Research assistantship for 18-20 hours a week, practicum for 12 hours per week, contributing to a separate research team, and that fall term required taking three hard classes. My preferred advisor had passed away, a former COOTer of mine had passed away, and other stuff that I likely don’t need to talk to you guys about explicitly online. It made for a bad combination. Not my favorite term in grad school and probably the second most I’ve questioned my self or place at UO.  

This year, I’d like to think that I’m going at about 120 mph. And I don’t want to overdramatize this or have a woe-is-me discussion, because that’s not what this is. It’s more of a reflection of one month into year 3. An update if you will: I’m happy with my choice to be at UO and I’m happy to be where I’m at. I like the people here, I’m more involved with Frisbee than I’ve been since leaving Colbs… I guess what I’m trying to say is that the jump in speed between 1^st and 2^nd years felt like a lot and pushed me to different levels of productivity, stress, frustration, and I guess, accomplishment. This third year involves more responsibility: working for our student governing board and ensuring first years make a successful transition to Eugene, co-leading a project on Tier II implementations of a behavior intervention (that will hopefully be a two part national survey and local survey with observations), and doing a practicum that is just different from what we’ve been trained to do with (technically) more hours than the 12 hour per week practicum.

Also, I’m trying to finish up my comprehensive exams (conditional passes on both, while still needing to submit my revisions). That’s like a speedbump that you don’t see while revving up to 120, sending your car a little bit sideways and definitely airborne.

The jump between second and third year does not feel like that much of a difference. But taking a step back and looking at the situation from the road (if you will), there’s a huge difference between 60, 100, and 120. It’s just that I’ve already put in the effort to accelerate to 100 mph, so what’s a little bit more acceleration when you’re going that fast already?

(For the record, once I get through comps and get a handle on what practicum will be like—we’re still in the midst of being trained—I think it will come down to 110. But, as Isaac knows, my jinxing powers have been out of control this postseason. If only these powers weren’t constrained to October playoff games concerning the Giants, I could try to do even more good in this world).

It’s been two years since we’ve started our senior years at Colby. Did you think you would be in the position you find yourself now? Did things differ?

More thoughts on the way—that’s just my mindset/place right now.