"Blessings only come to those who notice."
(Dove candy wrapper that has traveled with me since high school)
I’m learning a lot from random places. For all the years I’ve spent learning about things listed under category headings or course descriptions, now the lessons are coming sporadically, and you have to keep your head up and your ears perked just to catch them. Being a student of the real world is its own quirky challenge, just like being a student at any school.
Actually one thing that’s been really tricky is learning the patience to be a good student of the real world. Or maybe it’s just the patience to learn independently, since I haven’t had a prof nudging me along or leaving me clues. It takes a while! Especially when you’re collecting evidence and factoids sporadically, as they arrive in the form of (mostly) unsolicited feedback. You have to read between the lines a lot more. And you have to trust your interpretations more; the homework doesn’t come with an answer sheet in the back of a book.
Quaker meeting is where this finally came together for me. I am not Quaker, but I went to a Quaker high school and I am a big fan of the way Quakers approach the divine. Firstly, I really like their emphasis on silence. It certainly took some getting used to (I wouldn’t even swallow for my first 4 months of silent meetings, it seemed so loud. Try not swallowing for 40 minutes sometime – it’s surprisingly difficult), but boy is it a gift to be allowed to sit, with the energy of a thoughtful, supportive community pooling around you, and to let your thoughts roam. It creates a spiritual place without spiritual pressure, and it was the first place that felt safe and welcoming enough for me to begin to grapple with the idea of the divine. There’s such a sense of purpose, in a room of silent people. Such a willingness to look at each other and ourselves and our problems, and, without the pressure of speaking, take the time to really see what’s there.
But there’s one thing in particular that I think the Quakers have gotten especially right. Quakers believe that the divine exists all around us, in every human being we ever encounter. Whether there is a greater spiritual figure in Heaven or elsewhere, I don’t know, but this I’m pretty sure about. Coming back to Quaker meeting this year, after four years away, was an incredible reminder that I can’t try too hard to guide my life where I want it to go. We can’t always know what path we’re on, and where it’s leading. I’ve been so focused this year on living a deliberate life, to pursue the career I want, to travel to the places I want to see, to have the experiences I want to have, but living deliberately can become so calculating that you forget to be in the moment and open to what’s around you. (I spoke about this at meeting in January. It was kind of amazing, actually – it’s been so long since that potent energy thundered through my chest, the sudden, demanding certainty that I’m about to speak; I have to. I remembered Nura Yingling, my creative writing teacher at Tandem, answering the question, “when should you stand and speak at Meeting?” with, “when your heart is beating so hard against the walls of your chest that you have to speak, or it will burst through.” She’s an old hippie elder filled with more light and rainbows than should be allowed in a human body, but she’s not wrong.) You just don’t know where your lessons and revelations will come from, so you have to watch for them. Blessings, and lessons, only come to those who notice.
